The Good News or the Bad News?

Mike and John were avid baseball fans. They loved it so much they became obsessed with the prospect of baseball in heaven. They made a pact that whoever died first would come back and let the other know the answer to that ever so important question. Years go by and eventually John passes away of a heart attack. Although saddened by his friend’s death, Mike couldn’t help but be excited about the prospect of finding out if there was indeed baseball in heaven. Sure enough, three days after John’s death, his spirit came and visited Mike one evening. Mike jumped up and asked ‘So tell me! Is there baseball in heaven?’
John replied, ‘Well, I have good news and bad news.’
 ‘Well tell me the good news first!’
‘Okay, the good news- there IS baseball in heaven!’
‘That’s great news! But what’s the bad news?’
‘Well,’ John said ‘The bad news is, you’re pitching tomorrow.’

The good news and the bad news. For every piece of good news, there’s a piece of bad news, and lately it seems like the ratio of good to bad news is a little disproportioned. On the negative side. Why does it seem like there is more to be disappointed about, more to be appalled at, more to worry about than ever before? Where is the good news? If it’s on TV, I’m watching the wrong channels. The media breeds fear. Fear of economic collapse. Fear of terrorists. Fear of disease. Fear of what my neighbors have in their basements. Fear of what my children will learn or experience in school. Fear is wrenching us everyday. Will it ever stop? Doesn’t it seem like the only news you hear about are the disasters, tragedies, or potential disasters and tragedies. They probably talk more about what MAY happen than what actually IS happening.

And it’s not just the news shows. Sitcoms are built around glorified dysfunctional families and life situations. Reality shows continue to showcase drama that at times makes me cringe. Bad news. What does our society value? From small scale celebrity gossip to national tragedies to worldwide wars and crises. I’m so tired of bad news. I’m so tired of everything on TV being trash. Every news story a reminder of the evil in the world that is out to destroy lives, families, peace, hope and freedoms. I’m tired of trying to figure out how any of this can be stopped.

Ha. Like it’s my job to do that. Like I have the power to do that. I know in my head that God has it under control, but it’s hard to live like it when you’re constantly being bombarded by all the problems in the world. It makes you wonder why God waits any longer- isn’t He tired of all this too?

Here’s the good news/bad news radar:

The good news: they started making Twinkies again!
The bad news: millions are dying of hunger and disease.

The good news: the Cubs won the World Series! (well... in 1908)
The bad news: major sporting events are also large sex trafficking centers.

The good news: we can afford to finish our basement!
The bad news: our neighbor keeps young girls tied up in his basement. Oh, and thousands of families don’t even have basements to finish, or homes for that matter because of floods and hurricanes and tsunamis and fires.

The good news: everyone in America can have healthcare!
The bad news: our country will never get out of debt, our economy will crash, and milk will cost $8 a gallon.

I know I’m being overdramatic and cynical, but most of these are real things. Don’t you wish you could smother the bad news with good news. Just act like everything is peachy? Sigh. But we can’t just ignore the bad news. Then we would be ignoring people.

Lately I’ve just felt very troubled and burdened for the world we live in. The fears we’re surrounded by. And I tried to find explanations, solutions, at least anyone else who felt the same way. I didn’t necessarily want the easy answer of ‘God is sovereign.’ But the more I thought about it and the more I wrestled with it, there was just nothing else that even remotely gave as much hope as that profound truth.

I relate to lyrics from Warren Barfield’s song ‘Take My Life’: “Lord without you nothing makes sense, down here the grass dies on both sides of the fence.”

Without God, nothing makes sense. But we have God! He is real! I needed to be reminded again and really just think long and hard about that for awhile. God is sovereign. God is love. God is working.

I shouldn’t be surprised at the evil in the world. We are sinful, evil people who live for ourselves and ‘desires of the flesh’ as Scripture puts it. The fact that there is ANY good in the world is proof that God is working. Every good thing comes from the Lord. (James 1:17) And on top of that, have I forgotten that evil may have dominion on Earth, but it has already been eternally defeated. As one author wrote- “God has already done something about evil- he sent Jesus.’

Death has no sting, hell has no victory. The evils and disappointments and fears of this world are so temporary. And even the evil that does happen, as Genesis 50 says, things men intend for evil, the Lord intends for good.

C.S Lewis says in The Problem of Pain: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” He says that the painful truth is that God is more interested in our holiness than in our happiness. He is more interested in our character than in our comfort.

The world was not supposed to be like this in the beginning. But we sinned. And we keep sinning. I am so thankful that God loved us enough to prepare a place for a us in Heaven. That he loves us enough to rescue us from this world. That he loves us enough to comfort us until we can go there. I’m ashamed I ever forget this, that I ever forget that the Creator of the world didn’t leave his creation to decay, but he brings life everyday. He brings hope and peace. He is making us holy. And maybe I just don’t look hard enough. I pray my eyes are opened to the good news. And that I don’t see the bad news as bad news, but as a place where God can show up. A place where we can get on our knees before Him. We need you, Jesus. We need You so bad.

Tim Keller writes, “If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because he hasn’t stopped evil and suffering in the world, then you have a God great and transcendent enough to have good reasons for allowing it to continue that you can’t know.” He continues, “Why does God allow suffering? We look at the cross of Jesus and still do not know what the answer is- but we know now that the answer isn’t that he doesn’t love us. It can’t be that he is indifferent or detached from our condition.”

Add this to the good news/bad news radar:

The bad news: we are so flawed that Jesus HAD to die for us.
The good news: we are so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for us- even in the midst of evil and sin, we can be redeemed, a light in the darkness.

The bad news: there is a lot of pain and suffering and evil in this world.
The good news: God is sovereign, loving, and working, and this world is temporary.

Not Much of a Farmer

I grew up in a rural Iowa town. My friends lived on farms. Every fourth grade class participated in an ‘ag-citing’ day each year. I spent a summer walking corn fields roguing and de-tasseling. I currently work for a crop insurance company. I’m no expert on farming, but I know enough to know what farms are all about. The goal of farming is to produce crops. No surprise there. You don’t have to stand in a cornfield to know that.

The thing is- I’m not a farmer. I don’t need to know how to make barley grow or the best way to plant sugarbeets to produce a high yield. But, I am supposed to plant a metaphorical seed. I am supposed to produce a different type of yield.

I was recently reminded that God calls us to ‘bear fruit.’ Scripture says that evidence of our faith is the fruit we produce. We are to plant seeds of truth in non-believers that the Holy Spirit can nurture and bring to harvest. I’ve heard this analogy many times, but as I thought about it I realized- I don’t think I have any fruit. I’m pretty sure my spiritual pantry is empty. Why is that? I could maybe rationalize it that I’ve planted seeds where I just didn’t get to see the impact or results, but if I’m really doing what I’m supposed to be doing, wouldn’t I see at least ONE tiny grape or apple slice?

I wonder what ‘bearing fruit’ really means. Is it only the bringing of people to Christ? Are Christians the only fruit out there? Can’t I just be nice to people? Can’t I just offer words of truth here and there without pushing the envelope? I don’t feel like the environment of my life is conducive to bearing fruit. I feel like a child burying a sunflower seed in a dixie cup and drowning it with water, waiting expectantly for the stem with the floppy yellow hat to emerge from yesterday’s mud.

Some might say my life is a bubble. But aren’t most people’s? Everyone has their life bubble of school or work, friends and family, all in their respective compartments. It’s not just fruitless Christians. And if I live outside my bubble I would be completely drained of things that matter most to me. So how do I balance my values, support- home- with a constant farming endeavor? Would that even be effective? 

Francis Chan challenges in his book, ‘Forgotten God,' “How would you be missed if you left [the place you’re in now]? What would change?” He ventures that one of the main reasons we can make an impact through the Holy Spirit is by love. I guess then, love bears fruit. He says,

“We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of.”

Earlier I wrote a blog entry exploring the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) and it wasn’t too hard to imagine what the opposite of love looks like. I just thought about things I’ve done or said in the past. Done and done. Yet, an active description of love eludes me. Our culture begs for a picture of love that I’m not convinced is accurate. (More on that another time). Furthermore, I am still struggling to define and visualize what love should look like in the fields of my life. How can I irrigate the seeds that I plant with love? And will this really produce fruit? God calls me to get behind the wheel of a planter but right now I'm not feeling like much of a farmer. 

2 Years Worth of Discoveries

June 11 marks Mike's and my second anniversary. I have compiled a list of discoveries I have made from our marriage:

1. You develop your own language. Being married is like being part of one big inside joke. Since you share virtually everything together it’s hard not to do this. Things become hilarious to you and nobody else understands. Exhibit A- Here are some phrases that Mike and I have developed special ‘meanings’ (generous word choice) for-

Wikipedia

(*in Mario’s accent) It’s a’me a’poopin easy!

(*in Italian mob accent) Read a book! Watch a movie!

That’s usin your hat rack!

etc...

2. Farts and BMs (poops, for you less cultured folk) are no longer private affairs. You will make a bathroom smelly and your spouse will enter it two minutes later (for a very very short period of time) and come let you know just how rank it really is. You will be enjoying a movie when a whiff of something other than your popcorn wafts across your nose’s workspace (possibly accompanied with sound effects) and you will know a fart has occurred. Marriage reveals very truthful things about yourself that dating dutifully hides.

3. You may vicariously live through TV shows. By ‘live’ I mean- you won’t feel like being productive, finding something better to do, moving from the couch, or all of the above, and the best alternative is to discover 3-4 TV shows that you become hooked on. These will become your best topics of discussion. You will have to keep reminding yourself that watching other people find adventure, success, love, money, friends, and stylish homes is non-transferable. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

4. Fantasy Football makes Sundays more interesting. But also more stressful. Most marriages contain at least one person who enjoys watching sports. And by ‘enjoy’ I mean ‘let’s watch ESPN 24/7.’ Marriage will help you discover that joining a Fantasy Football league will create lovely, cozy times together on the couch watching and yelling at the stupid quarterbacks who think they’re on the opposite team and your list of five runningbacks- only one of which stays healthy the whole season. 

5. Habits are transferrable. Thanks to Mike, I need to sleep with a fan at night. Thanks to me, Mike now hits the snooze 3 or 4 times instead of getting up right away.Thanks to both of us, 99% of our meals are eaten on the couch.

6. Arguments aren’t scary or relationship-threatening. We can fight- about having the window open vs turning the air on, continuing to drive down the same lengthy off-course road in the middle of the night vs calling someone for directions, whether it was him or me who lost the vehicle registration- and STILL LOVE EACH OTHER A WHOLE BUNCH! Marriage is the commitment that allows disagreements to happen without fear that he will stop texting you forever.

7. Meals don’t cook themselves, trash doesn’t take itself out, and clean things don’t stay clean. Once we got married- boom. We were our own moms. Less effective moms. Aka the dishes sit in the sink for 1-4 weeks, (Just the ones that don’t go in the dishwasher, duh.) our stash always contains frozen pizzas, fish sticks, and mac & cheese, dusting is nonexistent, toilets... Well anyways….

8. Buying gifts that are secrets takes a lot more effort. Nobody carries cash anymore, but that is the only way to buy a gift without your significant other knowing where or what you purchased. But even then you still feel the need to run all purchases by the other to make sure you’re not making a financial mistake. Surprises, when actually achieved, are indeed very supriseful!

9. I am not the humble, selfless person I thought I was. Mike and I have talked about this many times- we thought we were humble, but marriage reveals in some respects your ‘true’ character. You discover all the things you want done your way, all the things you never thought were a problem but all of a sudden are hurtful. 

10. My parents do it better. I wanted to be like my mom when I got married- serving my husband by cooking and cleaning for him, doing the laundry, being a humble, loving wife. Marriage for me has been a discovery that my mom does it better. Way better! I hope someday I can be half the wife/mom my mom is. And really that’s what marriage is- a journey. Aspirations and working toward becoming better- as individuals and in relationship. So I guess the most important discovery from marriage , as one book puts it is that God created marriage to make us holier. Two years down and a lifetime to go!

The Significance of One Leaf

 

When I was first inspired to write this blog I had a particular idea of what it would look like. I posed the question to many of you and began forming the paragraphs in my head.
    Here was my question:
    What is the greatest emotion/feeling and why?

My original inspiration has since been replaced. The emotion I was going to propose is the greatest feeling, now has a different face. Consider these words a progression. From joy to peace to love to pain to relief. And from relief to something greater. Something more important. More life-changing and exciting. A feeling that is staggering. And yours for the taking.

So our journey begins. To arrive at our final destination we will wind through your cities of joy, towns of peace, rivers of love, fields of gratitude, forests of pain, and beaches of relief. A road speckled with tears and grins, nods and laughter.

The cities of joy. People smiling in all and despite all circumstances. A feeling dependent not “on happenings” as mere happiness tends to be, but “on Christ.” Because joy is a choice, a trust in something greater than disappointment. Something that magnifies delight. A dancing choice based on a greater constant.

The towns of peace. “Joy at rest.” The knowing dips of their heads, an inner strength evident as they look past the mud in their streets, pointing out the infinite stars above. Instead of saying “I see that it’s good for me, so God must have sent it” their peace says,“God sent it, so it must be good for me.”

The rivers of love. Never lacking of people washing in their waters. The washing away of fear, hurt, mistakes. The exuberant waters accepting all who enter. The gentle current and patient trickles speaking kindly of its source. Splashes in the rivers are never short; the unceasing replenishment is an embracing haven.

The fields of gratitude. Seeds of humility and appreciation grown into stalks of optimism, grains of promise and sustenance, enriching those who hunger.

The forests of pain. Splintered wood and broken twigs. The place where the lost can be found. “In the same way pleasure draws us, pain pushes us.” Beneath the shade of the trees, suffering drives us to the other side.

Where we find beaches of relief. We bask in the alleviation of stress, worry, pain, and busyness. The sun dries the tears. We are known and remembered. And this, my friends, is where I thought the greatest feeling could be found. Relief. The lump behind your ear is not cancerous. You finding the social security card that had been absent from it’s usual spot. (Speaking from experience.) The letter in the mail that says- Congratulations, you passed your last CPA exam. A long hard workout and you finish the last rep, couch and chocolate milk in sight. Relief- the feeling that frees your body, mind, or soul from despair, pressure, and anxiety. The feeling of delivery when you thought you couldn’t go one more day, one more rep, one more failure. Deliverance, relief, is part of God’s design in this broken world. Convinced yet?

But there’s more! So much more! Ted Dekker writes, “What elevates our emotions, and what dashes them to the ground? What makes us jump for joy, and what sends us into a pit of deep discouragement? The answers are surprisingly simple: Hope. And hopelessness.” This is so true. Why do we have joy, peace, love, gratitude, relief? We have hope for reconciliation, hope for deliverance, hope that we can have relationship, future. Hope that we are known, recognized, and cared for by something, no, Someone far greater than ourselves.

When Noah was aching for the ark to hit land, a dove brought him an olive leaf. A universal sign of hope. As Max Lucado describes it, “Noah went up the ladder with questions, but came down with confidence.” I don’t know about you guys, but hope feels pretty good to me. In a world full of doubt, skepticism, relevance, and brokenness, even a blink of confidence is significant. And we’re talking about more than a blink.

People have hope for good weather. Hope for promotions, family, impact. But too easily forgotten is the ultimate hope that gives purpose and meaning to anything and everything else. Hope to last an eternity. Hope for eternity. Heaven. A hope for heaven that has gotten lost in the ‘pleasures’ of this world. A hope I have too often replaced with trivial joys and anxieties of this life.

Ted Dekker’s book ‘The Slumber of Christianity’ challenged me in unexpected ways. Ways I don’t have space to flesh out in this post. (Keep an eye out in the future!) But it has reinforced and reminded me why Christians need to wake up to this great feeling, a significance to me and hopefully to you. Love and peace and joy are all great feelings. But they are worth nothing if they aren’t riding on the coattails of eternity’s hope. The present and this world are fleeting. But hope for heaven is not diminished by tomorrow.

Ted Dekker expounds on this staggering promise using an image of a large and mysterious machine. Found in an isolated barn by settlers who don’t know how to turn it on, they develop ways of using different parts of the contraption to improve their settlement. But then one day one of them finds a small pearl that appears to fit into part of the machine they hadn’t been able to make functional yet. Placing the small pearl in that compartment turns the machine on and the people are astounded by the machine rousing and operating as it was intended to.

Dekker likens this machine to our lives here on earth: “No matter how man will find pleasure within its gears and contrive usefulness from its gadgets, the machine of life is destined to lie in darkness unless fueled by the pearl of great hope. But powered by that fuel, the great machine will awaken with a thunder and fill the heart with an inexhaustible awe. Happy is the man who finds this pearl of great price.”

Hope and hopelessness. Life to its fullest, or deadened despair.

Romans 5 says, “We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us.”

Hope does not disappoint! All the other emotions can disappoint us- these emotions as we portray or exude them in our flawed human ways. Love, joy, peace, gratitude, relief. They aren’t always like we want or expect. But hope. Hope does not disappoint. Hope’s authentication is dependent on the truthfulness of it’s object. Hope’s object- heaven and eternity with the Lord- is a truth you can have 100% confidence in.

Paul says in Colossians- “We have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people, the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel that has come to you.”

It excites me to write this, not because I’m revealing a hidden truth to you. But because we already share in this hope together. If hope is the greatest feeling we can have, and faith and love spring from it, we can share the hope through loving others and sharing our faith. A challenge I am far from succeeding in and am wrestling with to discover what exactly that looks like in my life. But maybe just living like I have hope and confidence for eternity would be a great start.

Maybe living like we have hope will be contagious. And who wouldn’t want to feel that hope? True, eternal hope. A hope that doesn’t disappoint.

The Greatest of These

     I wait. I sit. I stand. I pace. It’s a race, against time, against my illusion of falling short. I can’t wait any longer. You do what I want, when I want, how I want. Never soon enough. Never good enough. Stop wasting my time. It’s mine, not yours. Still pacing. If it’s not now it must not be right. Have to fight the wait or I might burst. Urgent. And then you say that. Do that. Like this. Have that. No way. I can’t approve. Is that what moves you? I turn away. A pace of frustration. Hard heart of condemnation. Hands in my pockets, key to my eyes, shut, turned, and locked it. Won’t see you right now. No time to crouch down and examine the grounds you walk on or offer a shoe made of a better compound. It just can’t be me.
      But It says no, you have it all wrong. When you have to wait long, isn’t it worth it to hear the end of the song? The crescendo of completion, the final resolution, the awaited transformation. How much better, It coaxes, when you take off your watch, time is lost and your brother is found. Not abandoned or condemned. Not rejected or shed. Not wasted but drowned in It. Found worth the extra minute. With It I can sit again and wait. With It I have words that open, tend, offer, ease. I can see what is there and do what needs to be done. No longer pace, but smile on my face because it’s not falling short- It is a force that changes the game, changes the need, changes the end, and changes me.

      I want. You have it. I don’t. And what’s more, I deserve it. I’m entitled, qualified, justified. It was handed to you. Inheritance. Talent. Personality. Luck. What a waste. Squandered. Distaste. But I work hard, I want what I earned. What I should have, could have earned. Used. Correctly. Don’t you see me? Haven’t you realized my worth, my status, my lifestyle, my intelligence, confidence, obedience, and innocence? I’m at the top, well at least over you. What I could do with what you have, what you feel, what you’ll be. The world would be different. Brighter. And at the center would be me. Atop piles of respect, appreciation, accreditation, admiration. Because let’s face it. You’re full of mistakes, heartaches, you make your own choices and choose the wrong the paths. You may have a brain. A friend. An extra dollar. A taste of success. But you don’t have a future. Not like me. If only I were free to take it.
      Not It. Wouldn’t take it if I had It. The right It. The It that applauds from the sideline. The It that cheers what isn’t mine. When you're atop of the mounds, It is nowhere to be found. But when you're on the ground It might stick around. If you use It to see the good in others. The gifts of others. The grieves of others. Because you’re not who you say you are. And haven’t I gotten to where I am now because of It? It builds up and doesn’t tear down. It gives high fives instead of letting them drown. It shows me my scars so I can see theirs. Stop blinding your eyes, It beckons, and see the image of unity, diversity, commonality, and necessity. You have it, I don’t, but with It, I am still thankful for you.


      I watch. Fall after fall. And I don’t care. He probably deserved it. The next time I’ll encourage it. Maybe I’ll push him myself. Someone has to do it. Prove it. Reveal it. Disguise it. Avoid it. Whatever it takes. Besides, if it makes me better, why not? If it makes me mightier, why not? If it moves me up, why not? No rules. A school of thought where others falling and failing and crashing and burning are no longer tragedies, calamities, absurdities, or worries. Now they are trophies. A token to me- I’ve stumbled but don’t drop, I trip but I stop before hitting the ground, before the ultimate plop. Or maybe I fall, but it no longer matters. Mischievous, I flatter myself with rationalization, dramatization. Desensitized. Unresponsive. I used to push, but now I pull. From the inside. Because who cares? There are worse things in life than to fall. Worse things. I’m not the worst. I’ve fallen- no longer the best, but as long as I’m higher than one of the rest, I can’t be in trouble. Of It I can still profess.
      Or can I? Because It wouldn’t push and It certainly wouldn’t pull. Not when it comes to bridges, oceans, and holes. The real triumph in life isn’t the ladder. It isn’t the tower. It isn’t the power. The real triumph in life is when It multiplies, without penalizing or jeopardizing. A conquest, It embarks on, to promote integrity, veracity, authenticity, and benign justice. It celebrates something worthwhile, profitable, and freeing. The bondage of falling is broken by It. The lies of failing can’t endure It. The wounds of breaking are soothed by It. The defense of inability is inferior to it. Fall after fall, and because of It, I care. I care a lot.


      No other armor is better than It. Swords thrust. Bullets ravage. Armies approach. Rains pound. Failures threaten. Desires linger. Desolation hovers. Lies caress. But It overcomes. But It never falters, dissipates, weakens, cracks, runs, or hides. The past is pacified by It. The present is guided by It. The future is enlivened by It. No other armor can protect such a frail body. No other armor can retain such a wayward spirit. No other armor can sustain such a ravenous heart. Metal corrodes, greenery wilts, word expires. And It isn’t even done yet. Even in this capacity It has yet to be perfected. This extravagant armor is simply a fierce cross-section of what I wait for.

I have confidence because of It. I have conviction for the rest of It. I am content in the midst of It.

And It is Love.

I'm Date Mike, Nice to Meet Me.

Three years ago, on February 2nd, Mike and I started dating. In honor of this I have compiled a top ten list of date memories slash awesome things Mike did for me during those sweet seven months. High five for love.

1. Mike taught me how to play tennis. We actually started doing this before we started dating. Every Tuesday we would go to Chapel and then he would give me a tennis lesson, followed by lunch in the caf. Mike is a very, very patient man. And a good teacher- my skills have shown visible improvement. Tennis has played a large part in our relationship- we officially began dating after one of those tennis lessons, during a more interesting conversation in the caf. A well-planned proposal 7 months later on the tennis court and we were engaged.

2. Mike introduced me to the Simpsons. The Simpsons are one of the more dysfunctional families I’ve ever encountered, however, the satire makes me chuckle. We watched many Simpsons episodes in the Wild.

3. Mike wrote and sang me a song. Mike has an amazing voice. I got the privilege of being the inspiration to a song he wrote (actually before we dated, but I didn’t know that) for me and sang to me in the kitchen of the Wild (aka Wildnerness Mission House, aka his living quarters). He also sang to me at our wedding. Now I get to hear him sing all the time!

4. Mike stayed up late to be with me, even though he was exhausted from baseball and classes. Mike started college in accounting but switched to pre-med. Therefore he had a billion hours of labs to get in plus his regular classes. PLUS he was in baseball that often had practices from 9-12 at night. His days were exhausting, but instead of going to a much-deserved and needed sleep, he would stop by Fern and spend some time with me. He always found time to fit me in his schedule and it meant a lot because I knew how much he had going on.

5. Mike took me star gazing at the golf course. It was very peaceful, well until the police came and shone a light around looking for us. Good thing we set up shop a good distance from our vehicle. No harm, no foul!

6. Mike smiled at me a lot. If you know Mike, you know he is a very friendly guy who always has a smile for anyone. And no offense to you guys, but he has a different smile especially for me. I guess you could say I’m his favorite person. Whenever I would walk by or come up to him he always smiled that special smile and it made me feel so happy and loved.

7. Mike wrote me nice notes. He always makes me laugh. Sometimes his notes would be serious- all that mushy stuff some haters make fun of- which for the record, when it’s directed at you by the man of your dreams, it is the favorite part of your day. And sometimes they wouldn’t make much sense and were usually signed by an alias like Big Mike From the Hood. We wrote letters back and forth to each other the summer we had to be apart, and I’m glad we did because now I have a whole archive of ‘sweet nothings’ I can read at my leisure.

8. Mike stuck around after my rampages. I don’t get mad very easily, but if I do- I’m MAD. Mike saw this firsthand. We had a co-ed intramural volleyball team together (Yeah Walter!!) that was very good. And no I did not date him so I could have a 6’7’’ rock star on my volleyball team. But it sure helped. However, I took each game very seriously and knew we could be the champions, so when we didn’t win every single game (Note: we did make it to the championship both years), I didn’t take it very well. One might call it rage. I just call it uncontrollable disappointment. Mike got to witness this rage. One particular time I needed to release some frustration so we went outside and I chucked rocks at the cement. A week later he pitched to me in the batting cage- a more constructive form of release I suppose. Which leads me to my next point...

9. Mike helped me be less reckless. Clearly I wasn’t as calm as a normal person should be. I drove too fast. I ran into things (not via my vehicle, just my body). I didn’t sleep much. Mike helped me become more normal and safe. After all, what’s the point of being married if I do something stupid and kill myself before we can do awesome things- kinda selfish. But don’t worry, it was an exchange of sorts. I helped him become MORE reckless. So now we are two balanced people who won’t go so far as to endanger lives, but will go so far as to appear ‘foolish’ or ‘immature’ or ‘the most funnest people you’ll ever meet.’ Take your pick.

10. Finally, the highlight of our dating experience. He proposed. The promise of forever! As I mentioned earlier, he proposed on the tennis court with an awesome little flip book he drew himself. (I believe there is still the video of it somewhere on my facebook page if you are interested.) September 16, 2010- I’ve never smiled so much in my entire life. Well. Except our actual wedding day.

Michael Shields, I'm so glad I met you :)

Tribute

This is a tribute to you, Arizona. To a state that welcomed Mike and me with cacti, sunshine, mountains, adventure, friends, and a place to call home. To a place with an ostrich festival on my birthday, though the ostrich burgers seemed a bit inhumane. To the Arizona Diamondbacks who gave me my first bobblehead. I shall proudly display it on any desk I may work at.

To you, Arizona, for teaching us the joys and humor in birdwatching. For your beloved Camelback Mountain for bestowing upon me the value of hydration and/or air conditioning during 120 degree summer days, but also that the view is worth the climb. For your rolling northeasterly forests and their quiet escape on our first anniversary. For your Grand Canyon- blowing my mind and dominating my feet.

To you, Arizona, for having friends for us- shout out to First5- you know who you are! For friends who have rock band, who can find lava tunnels, who eat froyo, who watch Jimmy Fallon, and who love to laugh. Friends who throw dimes, grill meat, hike, and play Mario. Friends who come visit us in Iowa (hint, hint).

 This is a tribute to the Arizona Coyotes (and Minnesota Wild) for showing me what a hockey game looks like, fights and all. To the 101 for showing me how not to participate in rush hour. To In ‘N Out for my first hamburger in a long time (and most likely for another half decade). To your many baseball fields for hosting spring training games. To your proximity to San Diego in all its beachness.

To you, Arizona, for giving us a reason to drive over 1500 miles last New Year’s with whatever we could stuff in a van. A tribute for the mattress we tied to the roof of our vehicle, to the huge mirror that doubled as a door, and to the pool with a conveniently located TV. For having the funnest Bingo hall ever. For making me tan and more agreeable to mornings. For your many mini golf courses. And for being a place that people wanted to come see us.

A tribute to the perfect place to grow a marriage. A perfect place to figure out what the heck ‘full-time job’ means. A perfect place to have an adventure and learn what life is all about.
   
Arizona and all you stand for, we only had you for a short time, but you hold a very special place in our hearts. We shall return to you someday for a visit and another taste of friendly sunshine.

Cloudy Days

Arizona has a couple clouds a month. Every once in awhile one may leak a bit of precipitation (that may or may not ‘flood’ half the state). I guess in other words- Arizona doesn’t have clouds. Every single day is a glaringly blue sky. Mike and I only lived there ten months but it didn’t take long for us to yearn for clouds. Any cloud. I would even have to resort to finding people’s pictures on Facebook of the clouds back home to get a fix.

This is a groundbreaking statement. If you know me, you know that I love the sun. I hate being cold and I could be in the sun all day. Yet in Arizona I felt like a traitor to myself because I was wishing for a cloudy day. It was a selfish wish-  I wasn’t even just wishing for the sake of Mike’s fair (and/or red) skin. I legitimately was tired of the same old sunny blue sky.

We are a people of variety aren’t we? We get tired of the same old things, as much as we praise routine and normalcy, we still wish we could be unique, have metamorphosis. Is it possible to have too much of a good thing? Red Stripe claims there is. Well I feel like it’s agreed upon that too much of a good thing leads to complacency. You don’t appreciate the sun as much when you get it every day. Clouds promote the sunny days. (Or vice versa if you’re like Mike and clouds are your sun).

I am thankful for the cloudy days in my life. They make me realize my need for the sun. Clouds can take away the glare that often redirects my attention or causes me to look away. Cloudy days bring a washing of rain. A washing away of pride and selfish distraction. The combination of cloudy days and sunshine bring streaks of colorful light- signs of promise and hope. Of faithfulness and divine power.

Downhere recently wrote a song called 'Thank You for the Heartbreak'. I think it touches on this  principle. Here is a snippet:

Thank You for the pain
Thank You for the sadness
On the gloomy days of rain

Thank You that the hard times
Have a reason and rhyme
Thank You that the healing makes the beauty shine
Thank You for the heartbreak

Similarly, I believe A.W. Tozer sheds light on how God uses ‘bad’ for good: “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.’ God is made great in our weakness. We find we need him and listen to him most when we are on our knees, broken. And that is when he speaks to our hearts and lifts us up.

I need cloudy days in my life because if I didn’t, I would never be grateful for the sun.