Not Much of a Farmer

I grew up in a rural Iowa town. My friends lived on farms. Every fourth grade class participated in an ‘ag-citing’ day each year. I spent a summer walking corn fields roguing and de-tasseling. I currently work for a crop insurance company. I’m no expert on farming, but I know enough to know what farms are all about. The goal of farming is to produce crops. No surprise there. You don’t have to stand in a cornfield to know that.

The thing is- I’m not a farmer. I don’t need to know how to make barley grow or the best way to plant sugarbeets to produce a high yield. But, I am supposed to plant a metaphorical seed. I am supposed to produce a different type of yield.

I was recently reminded that God calls us to ‘bear fruit.’ Scripture says that evidence of our faith is the fruit we produce. We are to plant seeds of truth in non-believers that the Holy Spirit can nurture and bring to harvest. I’ve heard this analogy many times, but as I thought about it I realized- I don’t think I have any fruit. I’m pretty sure my spiritual pantry is empty. Why is that? I could maybe rationalize it that I’ve planted seeds where I just didn’t get to see the impact or results, but if I’m really doing what I’m supposed to be doing, wouldn’t I see at least ONE tiny grape or apple slice?

I wonder what ‘bearing fruit’ really means. Is it only the bringing of people to Christ? Are Christians the only fruit out there? Can’t I just be nice to people? Can’t I just offer words of truth here and there without pushing the envelope? I don’t feel like the environment of my life is conducive to bearing fruit. I feel like a child burying a sunflower seed in a dixie cup and drowning it with water, waiting expectantly for the stem with the floppy yellow hat to emerge from yesterday’s mud.

Some might say my life is a bubble. But aren’t most people’s? Everyone has their life bubble of school or work, friends and family, all in their respective compartments. It’s not just fruitless Christians. And if I live outside my bubble I would be completely drained of things that matter most to me. So how do I balance my values, support- home- with a constant farming endeavor? Would that even be effective? 

Francis Chan challenges in his book, ‘Forgotten God,' “How would you be missed if you left [the place you’re in now]? What would change?” He ventures that one of the main reasons we can make an impact through the Holy Spirit is by love. I guess then, love bears fruit. He says,

“We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of.”

Earlier I wrote a blog entry exploring the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) and it wasn’t too hard to imagine what the opposite of love looks like. I just thought about things I’ve done or said in the past. Done and done. Yet, an active description of love eludes me. Our culture begs for a picture of love that I’m not convinced is accurate. (More on that another time). Furthermore, I am still struggling to define and visualize what love should look like in the fields of my life. How can I irrigate the seeds that I plant with love? And will this really produce fruit? God calls me to get behind the wheel of a planter but right now I'm not feeling like much of a farmer. 

2 Years Worth of Discoveries

June 11 marks Mike's and my second anniversary. I have compiled a list of discoveries I have made from our marriage:

1. You develop your own language. Being married is like being part of one big inside joke. Since you share virtually everything together it’s hard not to do this. Things become hilarious to you and nobody else understands. Exhibit A- Here are some phrases that Mike and I have developed special ‘meanings’ (generous word choice) for-

Wikipedia

(*in Mario’s accent) It’s a’me a’poopin easy!

(*in Italian mob accent) Read a book! Watch a movie!

That’s usin your hat rack!

etc...

2. Farts and BMs (poops, for you less cultured folk) are no longer private affairs. You will make a bathroom smelly and your spouse will enter it two minutes later (for a very very short period of time) and come let you know just how rank it really is. You will be enjoying a movie when a whiff of something other than your popcorn wafts across your nose’s workspace (possibly accompanied with sound effects) and you will know a fart has occurred. Marriage reveals very truthful things about yourself that dating dutifully hides.

3. You may vicariously live through TV shows. By ‘live’ I mean- you won’t feel like being productive, finding something better to do, moving from the couch, or all of the above, and the best alternative is to discover 3-4 TV shows that you become hooked on. These will become your best topics of discussion. You will have to keep reminding yourself that watching other people find adventure, success, love, money, friends, and stylish homes is non-transferable. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

4. Fantasy Football makes Sundays more interesting. But also more stressful. Most marriages contain at least one person who enjoys watching sports. And by ‘enjoy’ I mean ‘let’s watch ESPN 24/7.’ Marriage will help you discover that joining a Fantasy Football league will create lovely, cozy times together on the couch watching and yelling at the stupid quarterbacks who think they’re on the opposite team and your list of five runningbacks- only one of which stays healthy the whole season. 

5. Habits are transferrable. Thanks to Mike, I need to sleep with a fan at night. Thanks to me, Mike now hits the snooze 3 or 4 times instead of getting up right away.Thanks to both of us, 99% of our meals are eaten on the couch.

6. Arguments aren’t scary or relationship-threatening. We can fight- about having the window open vs turning the air on, continuing to drive down the same lengthy off-course road in the middle of the night vs calling someone for directions, whether it was him or me who lost the vehicle registration- and STILL LOVE EACH OTHER A WHOLE BUNCH! Marriage is the commitment that allows disagreements to happen without fear that he will stop texting you forever.

7. Meals don’t cook themselves, trash doesn’t take itself out, and clean things don’t stay clean. Once we got married- boom. We were our own moms. Less effective moms. Aka the dishes sit in the sink for 1-4 weeks, (Just the ones that don’t go in the dishwasher, duh.) our stash always contains frozen pizzas, fish sticks, and mac & cheese, dusting is nonexistent, toilets... Well anyways….

8. Buying gifts that are secrets takes a lot more effort. Nobody carries cash anymore, but that is the only way to buy a gift without your significant other knowing where or what you purchased. But even then you still feel the need to run all purchases by the other to make sure you’re not making a financial mistake. Surprises, when actually achieved, are indeed very supriseful!

9. I am not the humble, selfless person I thought I was. Mike and I have talked about this many times- we thought we were humble, but marriage reveals in some respects your ‘true’ character. You discover all the things you want done your way, all the things you never thought were a problem but all of a sudden are hurtful. 

10. My parents do it better. I wanted to be like my mom when I got married- serving my husband by cooking and cleaning for him, doing the laundry, being a humble, loving wife. Marriage for me has been a discovery that my mom does it better. Way better! I hope someday I can be half the wife/mom my mom is. And really that’s what marriage is- a journey. Aspirations and working toward becoming better- as individuals and in relationship. So I guess the most important discovery from marriage , as one book puts it is that God created marriage to make us holier. Two years down and a lifetime to go!