With Open Hands

I’ll ride the ‘Pick Your Word for the New Year’ train. I wasn’t planning to, but my word chose me. And ironically my word is ‘CHOOSE’.

It will affect many areas of my life, including just being more decisive: Mike would love if I could finally tell him what I feel like eating for dinner! I get it, I can have a whole list of political opinions on a controversial issue but I can’t choose between beef or chicken??

But in a truer more real sense, it’s an active choice to surrender to God.

Last summer, at a conference we took our youth group students to, we were challenged with a question: What do you kneel to instead of God? After some reflection I realized I often put knowledge above God. Information above trust. Evidence above faith.

One of the songs we sang contained these lyrics: 

“I’ll never catch Your light
Living with knuckles white
Keeping my fists held tight
I’ll never touch Your heart
Or take in all You are
Trying to hide my scars
I’m letting go of holding on

Here I am with open hands
I have nothing left to prove
God I give it all to You
Empty me of everything

Til there’s nothing left but You

I just want to live for You"

[Open Hands by Urban Rescue]

And it struck me that my thirst and high regard for knowledge and learning, though a good thing, was me white-knuckling something that doesn’t hold a candle to the Creator. The very Author of knowledge, the Maker of my very capacity to think and learn. I needed to let go of my need for knowledge, which is essentially a need for control. How does it go- knowledge is power?

I need to CHOOSE God over knowledge. I need to choose trust. I need to choose to have open hands.

Psalm 145: 8-9, 16 says, “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made… You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.”

My desire for knowledge or control is often fueled by pride or fear. But I need to let God be God. When I read these verses, how can I not choose open hands? I’m not just opening up my life to whatever wind blows through hoping I’m not swept away. No, I’m opening myself to my Creator who loves me, is for me, is good. If He is good, merciful, generous, gracious, enough, then fear is unfounded. Furthermore, my God is a God with open hands. He is not a God who hoards, withholds, or suppresses. He gives. Lavishly. He wants to give us what we need and He alone can fulfill our desires- and he does so in abundance with no strings attached.

To live with open hands is freedom unspeakable.

Trust and faith isn’t a feeling, just like love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. God is deserving of glory and praise regardless of how I feel about my circumstances and unanswered questions.

In the spirit of song lyrics, this song also speaks to ‘my word’:

“I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who’s never late
Is working all things out

Yes I will, lift you high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy

I choose to praise
To glorify
The name of all names”
[Yes I Will, Vertical Worship, shortened]

Again, I am not trusting an unknown- I am choosing to put my trust in a faithful God.

“Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30]

Though it seems contradictory, Jesus says he offers us rest when we take his yoke upon us. The yoke is an object of submission. We are allowing him to be our Master. And instead of the heavy burdens we place on ourselves or feel from others, Jesus’ burden is easy and light.

Author Hannah Anderson writes in her book, Humble Roots:

 “When we believe that with enough effort, enough organization, or enough commitment, we can fix things that are broken, we set ourselves in God’s place. And when we do, we reap stress, restlessness, and anxiety. Instead of submitting to His yoke, we break it and run wild, trampling the very ground we are meant to cultivate. It is understandable that we fear the yoke. We fear the loss of control. We fear surrender. But we must also understand that without the protections of a good master, we are not safe. From the manipulation of other masters. From the expectations of society. From ourselves… We must come to Him to be tamed. And when we are, He promises that we will find rest for our souls.”

To live with open hands is not fear. It’s safety. And boy is that hard to believe when you have to actually let go of something you’ve been gripping for awhile.  I don’t think I’ll be able to uncurl all ten fingers by tomorrow. But I am confident that God can little by little open my hands, just like his. That with his help, I can daily CHOOSE trust. CHOOSE faith. CHOOSE love. CHOOSE praise. CHOOSE his yoke instead of mine. CHOOSE surrender.

So 2019, I have no idea what joys or heartaches you are going to bring into my life, but here I am, with nothing left to give, trying to live with open hands.