Thank you

Well, it’s been over two years since my last blog post. I felt energized by something I read the other day and decided I needed to write about it. I wish I had more time and inspiration to blog more often than biennially but here goes.

My last blog post was inspired by an excerpt from Tim Keller’s book on prayer. What I have written today is from Max Lucado’s book on prayer. I find it fitting that these posts should be side by side. The first- written in an emotionally and spiritually dark time of my life when prayer was the last thing I wanted to do. The second- written after a long and continuous time of growth, waiting, trusting, hoping, and learning how to pray again.

God has never left me, though I gave him every reason. God has never left me, though I didn’t always feel him. God has never left me, and his faithfulness is unchanging.

Lucado reminds us that Scripture commands us over a hundred times to give thanks. He ponders- if Adam and Eve had chosen gratitude instead of discontent, how different would our world look today?

In a world where it’s easy to say ‘more!’, where there’s always something bigger, better, faster, stronger, where we have a small taste of eternity and misplace our longing into basically everything else, here is my attempt to choose gratitude. To give thanks as God commands. To give thanks because, how can I not?

And as Lucado suggests: Alphabetize your blessings instead of cataloging your burdens.

My little hometown of Alta. No stoplights or shopping centers, lots of corn fields and windmills, and tranquility for days! There are pros and cons of living in a small town but I look back on those days with fondness. I love coming home. I grew up here. I know Gaby will think it’s a pretty special place too.

I am thankful for the Breeze. The curling taste of relief, refreshment, respite, however brief, from the heat. The reminder that the fire doesn’t last forever. The breeze, the breath of God will squelch the flames- and if not in this life, the breeze reminds me of eternity’s sanctuary from the sparks of this broken world.

Crayons. A brand new box of colorful, unbroken, pointy crayons.

We have been able to host a lot of awesome people at the Dojo and we are very thankful to have the house we do. From draft parties and costume parties to youth group escape rooms and whiffle ball, game nights and dinners, to friends and family who need a place to stay. Long live the Dojo.

I am thankful for Exclamation points! Snow day! Cubs win! I passed! It’s a girl! Good job! I found it! We’re going to Disneyland! Triumphs. Victories. Accomplishments. Reliefs. Encouragements. Rewards. Surprises. I am thankful for all the times that merit this simple punctuation mark.

What kind of ‘thank you’ list would this be without all the F’s: family, friends, forgiveness, fall, Fridays, facts, forests, fantasy football, Finland, fireworks, flip-flops, forever, french fries, firsts, Frosted Flakes, fountains, flowers, Frank Sinatra, festivals, feet (because otherwise no flip-flops), and fish (just kidding. no fish.)

Go to YouTube and search ‘baby laughing’ and you cannot resist a smile. Baby Giggles: the pure, unadulterated, unconditional exhibition of joy and bliss. There is literally nothing on this earth that could keep me from smiling when my Gaby Girl looks me in the eye and bubbles into giggles.

My Husband, Michael Shields, is the love of my life and best friend. Six wonderful years of marriage. Of laughing fits and tears of despair. Of stress and bliss. Of Super Nintendo and sand volleyball. Of bottle-flipping videos and kitchen dance parties. Of traveling the world and sitting on the couch watching TV. Of everything I could dream of. Of things we have yet to discover and experience together.

J.I. Packer’s book Knowing God. I could read it a hundred times and never come away empty. Among many things, he reminds me: “This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love, and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself. There is equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his son to die for me in order to realize this purpose.” Read it again. And again.

The muted glow of a campfire. A flashlight piercing the darkness. The warm rays of the sun resting like a blanket. I am thankful for Light. It obliterates the shadows. It exposes, illuminates, guides, and saves. “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

How long could we go without Music? I can’t write music. So when I hear music, I feel known. So many songs I hear feel like they exploded right out of my heart. They say what I could never express or never knew I needed to. How awesome is it, when you hear the words of the song or feel the melody and think ‘Yes. That’s me.’ I am known.

So much of who we are is inseparable from our memories. Our past doesn’t define us but it does shape us. It does affect how we live today. Some are able to live in the present or constantly look towards the future. And that’s great- I am trying to be better about that, but I just have a special place in my life for my memories. Nostalgia is a regular part of my day. I never want to forget all the people and experiences that have led to this point. Who would I be without my memories?

Or. Mike knows I have a difficult time making decisions. But I am grateful for choice. There is a weight and freedom that's wrapped up in a seemingly insignificant two letter word.

Prayer is hard, but simple. It breaks me down, but builds me up. It challenges me, but frees me. I love that God gave us prayer. He lowered the communication line. And he listens to it, whether I paid the electric bill or not. Whether I’m yelling or whispering. Whether my sentences end in question marks, exclamation points, periods, or contain a million commas and parentheses. He wants to hear from me. The Creator of the entire universe desires my prayers.

Quiet.

Watch TV, peruse Facebook, talk to just about anyone and you see hurt. We hurt because we’re broken. We hurt because there are hurricanes, shootings, violence, fires, lost relationships. There is inner turmoil, guilt, shame, regret. Praise the Lord we aren’t left to fend for ourselves in our state of desperation. We have Rescue and Redemption. I love how the author of ‘Truest’ phrases it: “Rescue wears masks, you know. It’s why people say it’s darkest before the dawn. Sometimes things take a long time to make sense. Could be years and years…Or they might never make sense. But that doesn’t mean you stop trusting that the world is being rescued… God favors redemption over perfection.”

I love Stars. They are mesmerizing and mind-blowing and just plain pretty. If there is anything in the world that can make you feel small, it’s a sky full of blazing gas bodies billions of miles away. And sometimes I need to feel small.

I am thankful for ‘Too’ and ‘Together’. Common ground. Standing beside each other. Sustaining, uniting, encouraging. Because the Enemy isolates and wants me to feel alone. But he is a liar.

Something I don’t always realize I should be grateful for: the Unknown. I am a person who likes to know things. I get excited about learning. I’m one of those annoying people who starts a lot of their sentences with ‘Actually’. I don’t always act like it, but I am glad that God doesn’t let me know everything. Because then why would I need him? Why would I ever have to trust him? The unknown is the necessary thorn in the side of the prideful.

Vacations. The opportunity to step away from the routines and say ‘Let’s live a little.’ Toes in the sand. Sun on my face. Trails through the trees. Walking, riding, flying, boating. Resting. Unloading. Slowing. Down.

I have never been short on Words. If you’ve made it this far, you know that. But that’s because words are so important to me. Words are powerful. Like music, they illicit such deep emotions. Inspiring, convicting, strengthening. I’m constantly recording quotes from books I like and lyrics from songs. Words teach us. We grow by them- spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, socially. I bought a dictionary from a garage sale, so believe me when I tell you how much I love them.

X-rays and xylophones, obviously.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ. And so through him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God.” (2 Corinthians 1:20) I am thankful for yes.

And finally, we had the amazing opportunity to visit New Zealand last year. This is a very unique place. Besides the fact that it’s absolutely gorgeous there, they also have no predatory wildlife. In my book, that is a great place to enjoy God’s creation. And maybe one day move to the island to become a sheep rancher. (Right Mike?)

This was a helpful way for me to ponder my life outside my current circumstances and spend time thanking God because I don’t do that enough. Too many of my prayers start with ‘Please’. If you resonate with any of my struggles with prayer, I would highly recommend these books: “Prayer” by Tim Keller, “Before Amen” by Max Lucado, or “If You Will Ask” by Oswald Chambers.

Let me leave you with a quote from Tim Keller’s book:

“Prayer is the way to experience a powerful confidence that God is handling our lives well, that our bad things will turn out for good, our good things cannot be taken from us, and the best things are yet to come.”

Still

[this is the Lord's Prayer in my own words as God has put it on my heart as of late]

You said to come. 'The door is open' you said. 'Come boldly' you said.  Well here I am. Here. Low. Though not by choice. Show me I can believe you. Don't let your whispers be so faint.

Father and child. Adopted by grace, but I need the space to face you for real. I brought my appeal. It's in my pocket with a couple of shiny pennies. Is two cents enough to access the excess of your mercy? To make sense and confess of my empty fisted hands. Two coins for royalty.

You don't have to hear me, to let me close, or to care. But I carry your name. Please let me keep it. Though I'm low, gratitude is deep and grounded. I am surrounded by wisps of black, my joy confounded. So don't let me sink, don't think to let me stain the beauty of my namesake with gray tendrils of selfishness.

I need a correction of my imperfections. Nudge my emotions in the right direction. I elect you to rule my thoughts. Royal boundaries extending to eternity's tomorrow. I yearn for the end of this lurking sorrow. But more than that.  The ache is a pandemic- a global groaning for your supremacy, endlessly seeking your justice and violet transcendence. Please come.

And this is my appeal. Or more like the opposite. I'm confident I have it right. My control is a focused line. Dominant. And yet the line is fading. Graphite. Straying, parading in vacant alleys where rays once knew. I thought it was my story but it's yours. I want my way still, but God, your will. Until I can mean this, until I can sing this, your will.

Day after day you satisfy and provide, all my needs supplied. I can't deny you're faithful. The sun still rises, the spring brings green. What seems routine is you, behind the scenes, saying "Here. For you." And do I notice? Wild flowers, green blades, but my tree isn't blooming. I fume with no regard for yesterday's life and tomorrow's hope and I'm sorry.

My pride is a mile long chain I drag at my side. I try to pry it off. To break it. But I can't. I've raked barren fields with it, I've piled it in the corner. And the chain is still the main weapon I wield in the worthless battles I wage that gain me nothing but heartache. Forgive me the stains I've left behind and I'll forgive the pain the links intertwined. Now to do it joyfully.

In front, don't let my iron strand keep me from you. Don't let me entertain offense, the crimson scratchings on white paper. My own decree at the expense of needing you- it shreds and burns. Behind, don't let my rags and scars construct a fence to keep you out, a grid of despair and doubt- it strips and bars. Protect me from both.

And when I'm at the end of me and finally find I'm free, the stormy sea won't stop its surge. The blackened dirt and fleas. Blowing, blinding, biting, burying. Begging. A rage I can't defeat. Two wood beams have weathered worse, and this my shining silver key. Lord, accept my undeserved plea- unclench my fists, though I resist, and sweep my storm beneath your feet. You are enough and always will be, I only need to see.

Destination: Maui

As you may know, Mike's diligence and hard work as a financial advisor with Edward Jones the past year has paid off. He earned what they call a diversification trip. We picked Maui from a list of destinations to spend a relaxing week of vacation. This post is for those of you who care :) I'll probably put more photos on facebook later, but I thought this would be an easy way to fill you in. I have over 400 pictures to pick from so here is the short synopsis:

Our resort was at the Four Seasons Hotel right on the beach. By far the fanciest place I've ever stayed: valet parking, twice a day turn down service, pineapple and brownie bites by the pool, a Wolfgang Puck restaurant. They even give you a wet cloth when checking-in which Mike and I obviously had no idea what we were supposed to do with! 

 

We were there for about a week and had pretty full days of activities. We drove up Haleakala, the dormant volcano on the island, and hiked around inside the crater. It was only 46 degrees at the top!

We also spent a day driving the famous Road to Hana- about 60 miles of coastal road with over 600 hairpin curves and over 50 one-lane bridges. Along the way we saw an arboretum, black sand beach, lava tube, numerous waterfalls and ocean views. Past the town of Hana we hiked up to a bamboo forest that opened up to the largest waterfall I've ever seen- water dropping over 400 ft. 

You may recognize the rock behind us from Jurassic Park.

This is a close-up photo of a rainbow eucalyptus tree- the bark is literally all of these colors.

 

 

 

The black sand beach- all the black rocks and sand is from lava.

 

Bamboo forest

 January-March is prime whale watching season in Hawaii so we took a boat tour out to see them. These pictures are of the Pacific Humpback whales.

We made use of the resort's croquet course (field?...court...?) And of course we spent time on the beach and at the pool soaking up the sun. We snorkeled- which I don't have pictures of yet because they have to be developed old school. Other island activities we partook in: frisbee golf, mini golf, and tennis. 

 

Edward Jones provided a few dinners for us- one of which was a Luau. Unfortunately rain kept it from being outside, but we still got to see the hula dancers and the flame guy. 

 Pretty much we had an amazing time and are having a hard time being back in the Iowa snow right now. We are thankful for how God has blessed us through Mike's work.

I don't know how else to end this post. So. Good-bye.

 

 

Almost

“Almost. It’s a sad word in any man’s dictionary. Almost. It runs herd with nearly, next time, if only, and just about. It’s a word that smacks of missed opportunities, aborted efforts, and fumbled chances. It’s honorable mention, right field, on the bench, runner-up, and burnt cookies.” - Max Lucado

It’s 2014 now, and as I ponder what 2013 looked like, I’m wondering if I could make a case for the description above. Sure, God blessed us incredibly and his faithfulness was evident every day of the past year. And sure, we had many adventures and good conversations. But how did I really live my life?

Was 2013 a series of almosts? How many times did God nudge me in this direction or that and I just didn’t quite get there? How many days did I wake up and think- “Eh, I think I’ll just sit today out. I’ve done enough this week. I just want to curl up and forget about the world.” How many times did I shrug and say, “Maybe next time.”

I mean, I’ve burnt my fair share of cookies. I’ve won many second places. And I’ve warmed the bench a few times. Almost is certainly not a foreign word in my dictionary. But why am I okay with that? I don’t want my life to be one that could consistently be described with ‘almost.’ I want to live a full life- a life where I can say: I capitalized on that opportunity. I obeyed completely. I stopped rationalizing. I got off the bench, even when I didn’t have a fan section.

Max Lucado goes on to say, “[Jesus] never had room for almost in his vocabulary. You are either with him or against him. With Jesus nearly has to become certainly. Sometimes has to become always. If only has to become regardless. And next time has to become this time.”

I think our culture glorifies on-the-fence lifestyles. Living for ourselves, living not to offend. It’s comfortable. But comfort is complacency. Colorless. The fence is a fantasy. It doesn’t exist. It’s a deception of comfort and we fall for it all the time. It sounds good on paper, but what kind of life is that. It’s a life of almosts. Almost having an opinion. Almost living beyond ourselves. Almost having confidence. Almost making a difference.

Jesus calls us to forget the fence. There is no fence. He says we are either with him or against him. We can’t be on the fence. It’s not there. There is no almost. It’s not an option.

That is how I want 2014 and every year after that to look like for me. I don’t want to look back and think ‘Almost.’ I want to stop saying ‘If only’ and ‘Next time.’ I want others to look at how I live and wonder why there is no fence. Then they’ll know that we can’t get rid of the almost-lifestyle until we embrace a lifestyle with Christ.

I like VOTA’s song ‘Honestly’-
If you don't see the real me you won't see what mercy's done
If you don't see my weakness you won't see what love has won
If you don't see the distance from the darkness to the sun
You won't see, honestly

Abandoning ‘almost’ starts with honesty. Honesty about ourselves. Then we can open our eyes and see. See that the fence is gone and Jesus is beckoning. Toward or away. Those are the only options.

“Almost may count in horseshoes and hand grenades, but with the Master, it is just as good as a never.”

The Good News or the Bad News?

Mike and John were avid baseball fans. They loved it so much they became obsessed with the prospect of baseball in heaven. They made a pact that whoever died first would come back and let the other know the answer to that ever so important question. Years go by and eventually John passes away of a heart attack. Although saddened by his friend’s death, Mike couldn’t help but be excited about the prospect of finding out if there was indeed baseball in heaven. Sure enough, three days after John’s death, his spirit came and visited Mike one evening. Mike jumped up and asked ‘So tell me! Is there baseball in heaven?’
John replied, ‘Well, I have good news and bad news.’
 ‘Well tell me the good news first!’
‘Okay, the good news- there IS baseball in heaven!’
‘That’s great news! But what’s the bad news?’
‘Well,’ John said ‘The bad news is, you’re pitching tomorrow.’

The good news and the bad news. For every piece of good news, there’s a piece of bad news, and lately it seems like the ratio of good to bad news is a little disproportioned. On the negative side. Why does it seem like there is more to be disappointed about, more to be appalled at, more to worry about than ever before? Where is the good news? If it’s on TV, I’m watching the wrong channels. The media breeds fear. Fear of economic collapse. Fear of terrorists. Fear of disease. Fear of what my neighbors have in their basements. Fear of what my children will learn or experience in school. Fear is wrenching us everyday. Will it ever stop? Doesn’t it seem like the only news you hear about are the disasters, tragedies, or potential disasters and tragedies. They probably talk more about what MAY happen than what actually IS happening.

And it’s not just the news shows. Sitcoms are built around glorified dysfunctional families and life situations. Reality shows continue to showcase drama that at times makes me cringe. Bad news. What does our society value? From small scale celebrity gossip to national tragedies to worldwide wars and crises. I’m so tired of bad news. I’m so tired of everything on TV being trash. Every news story a reminder of the evil in the world that is out to destroy lives, families, peace, hope and freedoms. I’m tired of trying to figure out how any of this can be stopped.

Ha. Like it’s my job to do that. Like I have the power to do that. I know in my head that God has it under control, but it’s hard to live like it when you’re constantly being bombarded by all the problems in the world. It makes you wonder why God waits any longer- isn’t He tired of all this too?

Here’s the good news/bad news radar:

The good news: they started making Twinkies again!
The bad news: millions are dying of hunger and disease.

The good news: the Cubs won the World Series! (well... in 1908)
The bad news: major sporting events are also large sex trafficking centers.

The good news: we can afford to finish our basement!
The bad news: our neighbor keeps young girls tied up in his basement. Oh, and thousands of families don’t even have basements to finish, or homes for that matter because of floods and hurricanes and tsunamis and fires.

The good news: everyone in America can have healthcare!
The bad news: our country will never get out of debt, our economy will crash, and milk will cost $8 a gallon.

I know I’m being overdramatic and cynical, but most of these are real things. Don’t you wish you could smother the bad news with good news. Just act like everything is peachy? Sigh. But we can’t just ignore the bad news. Then we would be ignoring people.

Lately I’ve just felt very troubled and burdened for the world we live in. The fears we’re surrounded by. And I tried to find explanations, solutions, at least anyone else who felt the same way. I didn’t necessarily want the easy answer of ‘God is sovereign.’ But the more I thought about it and the more I wrestled with it, there was just nothing else that even remotely gave as much hope as that profound truth.

I relate to lyrics from Warren Barfield’s song ‘Take My Life’: “Lord without you nothing makes sense, down here the grass dies on both sides of the fence.”

Without God, nothing makes sense. But we have God! He is real! I needed to be reminded again and really just think long and hard about that for awhile. God is sovereign. God is love. God is working.

I shouldn’t be surprised at the evil in the world. We are sinful, evil people who live for ourselves and ‘desires of the flesh’ as Scripture puts it. The fact that there is ANY good in the world is proof that God is working. Every good thing comes from the Lord. (James 1:17) And on top of that, have I forgotten that evil may have dominion on Earth, but it has already been eternally defeated. As one author wrote- “God has already done something about evil- he sent Jesus.’

Death has no sting, hell has no victory. The evils and disappointments and fears of this world are so temporary. And even the evil that does happen, as Genesis 50 says, things men intend for evil, the Lord intends for good.

C.S Lewis says in The Problem of Pain: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” He says that the painful truth is that God is more interested in our holiness than in our happiness. He is more interested in our character than in our comfort.

The world was not supposed to be like this in the beginning. But we sinned. And we keep sinning. I am so thankful that God loved us enough to prepare a place for a us in Heaven. That he loves us enough to rescue us from this world. That he loves us enough to comfort us until we can go there. I’m ashamed I ever forget this, that I ever forget that the Creator of the world didn’t leave his creation to decay, but he brings life everyday. He brings hope and peace. He is making us holy. And maybe I just don’t look hard enough. I pray my eyes are opened to the good news. And that I don’t see the bad news as bad news, but as a place where God can show up. A place where we can get on our knees before Him. We need you, Jesus. We need You so bad.

Tim Keller writes, “If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because he hasn’t stopped evil and suffering in the world, then you have a God great and transcendent enough to have good reasons for allowing it to continue that you can’t know.” He continues, “Why does God allow suffering? We look at the cross of Jesus and still do not know what the answer is- but we know now that the answer isn’t that he doesn’t love us. It can’t be that he is indifferent or detached from our condition.”

Add this to the good news/bad news radar:

The bad news: we are so flawed that Jesus HAD to die for us.
The good news: we are so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for us- even in the midst of evil and sin, we can be redeemed, a light in the darkness.

The bad news: there is a lot of pain and suffering and evil in this world.
The good news: God is sovereign, loving, and working, and this world is temporary.

Not Much of a Farmer

I grew up in a rural Iowa town. My friends lived on farms. Every fourth grade class participated in an ‘ag-citing’ day each year. I spent a summer walking corn fields roguing and de-tasseling. I currently work for a crop insurance company. I’m no expert on farming, but I know enough to know what farms are all about. The goal of farming is to produce crops. No surprise there. You don’t have to stand in a cornfield to know that.

The thing is- I’m not a farmer. I don’t need to know how to make barley grow or the best way to plant sugarbeets to produce a high yield. But, I am supposed to plant a metaphorical seed. I am supposed to produce a different type of yield.

I was recently reminded that God calls us to ‘bear fruit.’ Scripture says that evidence of our faith is the fruit we produce. We are to plant seeds of truth in non-believers that the Holy Spirit can nurture and bring to harvest. I’ve heard this analogy many times, but as I thought about it I realized- I don’t think I have any fruit. I’m pretty sure my spiritual pantry is empty. Why is that? I could maybe rationalize it that I’ve planted seeds where I just didn’t get to see the impact or results, but if I’m really doing what I’m supposed to be doing, wouldn’t I see at least ONE tiny grape or apple slice?

I wonder what ‘bearing fruit’ really means. Is it only the bringing of people to Christ? Are Christians the only fruit out there? Can’t I just be nice to people? Can’t I just offer words of truth here and there without pushing the envelope? I don’t feel like the environment of my life is conducive to bearing fruit. I feel like a child burying a sunflower seed in a dixie cup and drowning it with water, waiting expectantly for the stem with the floppy yellow hat to emerge from yesterday’s mud.

Some might say my life is a bubble. But aren’t most people’s? Everyone has their life bubble of school or work, friends and family, all in their respective compartments. It’s not just fruitless Christians. And if I live outside my bubble I would be completely drained of things that matter most to me. So how do I balance my values, support- home- with a constant farming endeavor? Would that even be effective? 

Francis Chan challenges in his book, ‘Forgotten God,' “How would you be missed if you left [the place you’re in now]? What would change?” He ventures that one of the main reasons we can make an impact through the Holy Spirit is by love. I guess then, love bears fruit. He says,

“We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of.”

Earlier I wrote a blog entry exploring the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) and it wasn’t too hard to imagine what the opposite of love looks like. I just thought about things I’ve done or said in the past. Done and done. Yet, an active description of love eludes me. Our culture begs for a picture of love that I’m not convinced is accurate. (More on that another time). Furthermore, I am still struggling to define and visualize what love should look like in the fields of my life. How can I irrigate the seeds that I plant with love? And will this really produce fruit? God calls me to get behind the wheel of a planter but right now I'm not feeling like much of a farmer. 

2 Years Worth of Discoveries

June 11 marks Mike's and my second anniversary. I have compiled a list of discoveries I have made from our marriage:

1. You develop your own language. Being married is like being part of one big inside joke. Since you share virtually everything together it’s hard not to do this. Things become hilarious to you and nobody else understands. Exhibit A- Here are some phrases that Mike and I have developed special ‘meanings’ (generous word choice) for-

Wikipedia

(*in Mario’s accent) It’s a’me a’poopin easy!

(*in Italian mob accent) Read a book! Watch a movie!

That’s usin your hat rack!

etc...

2. Farts and BMs (poops, for you less cultured folk) are no longer private affairs. You will make a bathroom smelly and your spouse will enter it two minutes later (for a very very short period of time) and come let you know just how rank it really is. You will be enjoying a movie when a whiff of something other than your popcorn wafts across your nose’s workspace (possibly accompanied with sound effects) and you will know a fart has occurred. Marriage reveals very truthful things about yourself that dating dutifully hides.

3. You may vicariously live through TV shows. By ‘live’ I mean- you won’t feel like being productive, finding something better to do, moving from the couch, or all of the above, and the best alternative is to discover 3-4 TV shows that you become hooked on. These will become your best topics of discussion. You will have to keep reminding yourself that watching other people find adventure, success, love, money, friends, and stylish homes is non-transferable. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

4. Fantasy Football makes Sundays more interesting. But also more stressful. Most marriages contain at least one person who enjoys watching sports. And by ‘enjoy’ I mean ‘let’s watch ESPN 24/7.’ Marriage will help you discover that joining a Fantasy Football league will create lovely, cozy times together on the couch watching and yelling at the stupid quarterbacks who think they’re on the opposite team and your list of five runningbacks- only one of which stays healthy the whole season. 

5. Habits are transferrable. Thanks to Mike, I need to sleep with a fan at night. Thanks to me, Mike now hits the snooze 3 or 4 times instead of getting up right away.Thanks to both of us, 99% of our meals are eaten on the couch.

6. Arguments aren’t scary or relationship-threatening. We can fight- about having the window open vs turning the air on, continuing to drive down the same lengthy off-course road in the middle of the night vs calling someone for directions, whether it was him or me who lost the vehicle registration- and STILL LOVE EACH OTHER A WHOLE BUNCH! Marriage is the commitment that allows disagreements to happen without fear that he will stop texting you forever.

7. Meals don’t cook themselves, trash doesn’t take itself out, and clean things don’t stay clean. Once we got married- boom. We were our own moms. Less effective moms. Aka the dishes sit in the sink for 1-4 weeks, (Just the ones that don’t go in the dishwasher, duh.) our stash always contains frozen pizzas, fish sticks, and mac & cheese, dusting is nonexistent, toilets... Well anyways….

8. Buying gifts that are secrets takes a lot more effort. Nobody carries cash anymore, but that is the only way to buy a gift without your significant other knowing where or what you purchased. But even then you still feel the need to run all purchases by the other to make sure you’re not making a financial mistake. Surprises, when actually achieved, are indeed very supriseful!

9. I am not the humble, selfless person I thought I was. Mike and I have talked about this many times- we thought we were humble, but marriage reveals in some respects your ‘true’ character. You discover all the things you want done your way, all the things you never thought were a problem but all of a sudden are hurtful. 

10. My parents do it better. I wanted to be like my mom when I got married- serving my husband by cooking and cleaning for him, doing the laundry, being a humble, loving wife. Marriage for me has been a discovery that my mom does it better. Way better! I hope someday I can be half the wife/mom my mom is. And really that’s what marriage is- a journey. Aspirations and working toward becoming better- as individuals and in relationship. So I guess the most important discovery from marriage , as one book puts it is that God created marriage to make us holier. Two years down and a lifetime to go!